Million Dollar Baby

This is a modern-day fable about how narcissists devalue their partners through the art of deceit. A fable may be fiction, though partially based on fact, but it is meant to teach the listeners a moral lesson. This is a fable from a woman’s point of view.

 

Let’s say you’re worth $1 million…of course, we all are priceless, really! So, you are wooed like the prize you are, and you get into a relationship with that person. Unbeknownst to you, the suitor that you fall for is a narcissist. They love-bomb you, showering you with affection and compliments and gifts. Bam! You’re hooked! To your partner, you can do no wrong: you’re perfect, feeling beautiful, and life is good…

 

…OR, so you think…

 

Then, the bottom falls out. You can now do nothing right. You suddenly have a “smart” mouth or a lousy attitude. You're “against” them in everything they do. Then, things start to get physical: shoving, grabbing, and maybe you receive a little smack across the face for verbally standing up for yourself. 

 

So, you decide you cannot stand one more moment and choose to break up with your “love.” Take that! You are taking no more meanness! The line has been drawn in the sand.

 

As time goes on, you start to feel better about yourself. You begin to feel like your old self again. And yet, you miss your “love.” You check your social media and see their messages, wanting to talk. You give in and chat…and they rope you back in with lies and false promises because you so desperately want these promises to be true. Upon checking your proverbial price tag, you see that it no longer says $1 million ; it says $100,000. You’ve lost a placeholder, and a bit of your value has fallen away. A $900,000 debit! You sigh but say to yourself, “I’m still an expensive and dear treasure.” You take the “loss” because the relationship is still worth it. You know you are still made of stardust.

 

So, things are good between you and your lover for a short while—unlike in the beginning, when there was a more extended period of bliss. Slowly but surely, the insults are back, along with name-calling, false accusations, kicking, swearing, and more aggressive physical assaults.

 

You feel worn down but slightly angry. They lied. You just knew in your heart of hearts that it had to be better. You're disappointed in yourself but more so in them. So, after a verbal barrage, you tell your partner “Get out! I'm done!” And they get mad and leave. Good riddance! 

 

Later that same evening, they return to apologize, but you’re not hearing it. You tell them, “You lied, and I’m completely done.” You separate. Instead of feeling better this time, you feel intense guilt: guilty for believing the false promises, for allowing them back into your life, and for feeling so torn. You stay by yourself and reflect. You look on social media, and they’re smiling in pictures. They’re out living their life, and you just sit in the quiet and feel shame. Where did the “real you” go? You isolate yourself in a blanket of constant reflection and self-protection.

 

You see them out in public, at a coffee shop that was formerly your place. You try to avoid them, but they acknowledge you and hug you. “I've missed you so, so much,” they whisper into your ear, even though they look like they are currently on a date. They linger too long, so your heart lurches with longing. You each say it was nice to see one another and leave. Later, they contact you, stating they have seen the error of their ways and that they do not know how to function without you. You admit that’s how you're feeling, too. You both keep your distance, but you’re still talking by phone or social media messenger. This feels safe, and you feel like you’re working through your issues. You can say what you want without fear of reprisal, and your love agrees that they were primarily the issue, but that you also had your part in the relationship’s problems . You don't disagree, as you probably should, because “no one is perfect.” You start seeing one another again, secretly, so your friends are none the wiser. 

 

Once your friends and family find out, they turn away emotionally. They still love you and interact with you, but they are not as involved in your life as they once were. This hurts you, and your lover tells you you’re better without them, that they were never supportive anyway. You look down at your tattered, proverbial price tag. What?! Another zero has fallen off?! It now says $10,000. You sigh, hold your head up, and think, “I'm still a practical and unique find!” It makes you feel good to say that out loud…but not for long, realistically…

 

Things are calm for a bit, but they escalate again quickly. You don’t understand your partner, and you don’t trust them. You recently found them talking provocatively to another person online. The tell-tale messages keep popping up on your partner’s phone. You’re angry and hurt, and when you confront them, they laugh and tell you that you’re “imagining things,” followed by, “Why are [you] always so crazy? Maybe you’re the one who’s cheating, and you feel guilty, hmm?”

 

This time, your partner leaves you behind…but only after being petty about possessions and living arrangements. They are adamant that they do not have someone else but want you to hurry up and be gone. You’re hurt and resentful, so you escape the situation as quickly as possible. A part of you wants to keep checking up on them, but another part would rather not know. You have a sneaking suspicion that you were not good enough for them, but then cycle between that thought and the question of “well, why not?” You feel betrayed and disjointed. You become more of an introvert. 

 

A good amount of time goes by before you notice that you’re starting to feel more at ease with being independent. You’re still quiet but not so gloomy. You’re slowly beginning to re-establish a relationship with your family. They are telling you that you’re better off without the other person. You’re not sure you believe it, but you’re also trying to figure out what to believe. Like a shark, all you can do is keep moving forward.

 

You really start to miss the other person, achingly so, when you come across some mutual friends, ironically, at your coffee shop. They invite you to their house for dinner…and you discover that it was a setup by your Ex to get you “back together.” You are mostly glad to see your former lover but are rather wary. You also don’t want to appear ungrateful to your friends who think they’re helping “true love.” Especially when your former significant other proposes because they “just can’t live without you!” You reluctantly accept, thinking this action will turn the tide! You silently miss another placeholder sliding off your proverbial price tag, revealing you’re now a $1,000 value. Now an “economy model”? You sigh, heavily.

 

As wedded bliss turns into eternal hell, the cycle of abuse turns more quickly, with more physical abuses being thrown in. To make matters worse, you’re now pregnant. You initially thought bringing a baby into the mix would help. Sadly, it did not. Little do you know that with each child, the Abuser will become more powerful as they use these sweet little humans as weapons against you. You have a physical altercation that includes them punching you in the ribs to make a point. You feel like something is broken, but you dare not go to the doctor—to protect the person who failed to protect you. 

 

You take the child and stay with their mother because your own family cannot watch this depressing soap opera any longer. After staying with her for a short while, she tells you that you must go back for the sake of your child. Do you want them to be from a broken home? Do you?? You do go back, and all is peaceful for a short while. It looks as though another zero was erased entirely as if it had never been there. You’re only worth $100 now. You feel like a Dollar Store reject… 

 

You have yet another child, and life seems full and busy as you are wrapped up in the children’s care and activities. Your spouse doesn’t let you forget how nearly worthless they think you are. You’re in survival mode, so you don’t entirely take the self-care you used to. You’ve lost a few jobs at this point because your spouse wants to make all of the decisions. You feel like a zombie and have switched over to “autopilot” operation mode. You have mentally checked out, so you don't need to leave physically, but it would drastically help your body and mind to heal. Your children have become shell-shocked and run to the safety of their rooms whenever things get a bit loud. You’re on markdown already without initiating the process of leaving. You’re a $10 bargain basement commodity, but you’re too exhausted to notice…

 

You’re currently at the lowest of the low, barely leaving home. You just agree with everything they say to keep the peace. You have a health scare and end up needing to take care of yourself physically. You change your eating habits and begin working out at a local gym. You start looking and feeling better, making you happier than you have previously been. Other people make comments on your positive changes, praising you, which your spouse feels is “undeserved,” and takes the focus off them. They start again with the accusations of cheating, implying that you are the cheating party. All you’re doing is trying to improve your health so you can continue caring for your family. 

 

You panic and try to leave. This time, they get in your way…wait, is that a weapon??? NO! They stop you in your tracks. They’ve ended your life. Your value has arrived at $0—as far as your abusive spouse is concerned. Game over!

 

Every time a victim leaves and returns, they undo a boundary, and their value becomes diminished in the narcissist's eyes. To the Abuser, the victim’s value keeps getting slashed and marked down lower until they are theoretically worth “nothing.” Narcissists cannot attach wealth and value to anyone or anything. They derive pleasure and self-worth by devaluing others. When they are done with their partner (aka their “supply”), they go and get another one, under the same false pretenses, as a self-perpetuating cycle. You are, essentially, “replaceable.” What happened to you, my Million Dollar Baby?