Dark Romance Through the Eyes of DV Survivors
During a month in which romance is at the forefront of many people’s minds, we want to take the time to explore the literary genre of “dark romance.”
What is "Dark Romance"?
Dark romance is a subcategory of romance that explores controversial dynamics within very heated relationships, making it a popular genre for which there is constant demand. Some popular examples of this might include 50 Shades of Grey (E.L. James) and Haunting Adeline (H.D. Carlton). These stories generally feature controversial themes and/or taboo tropes.
It is generally understood that media in this category is an exaggerated form of escapism. However, dark romance can also romanticize abusive behavior and set unhealthy expectations for what “good” relationships entail. In fact, many common tropes can mimic the experiences real life abuse survivors have had.
Let’s go over some common tropes and some examples of when these stories of “romance” can become real life stories of horror.
Power Imbalance Relationships in Dark Romance
Many dark romances feature relationships with power imbalances, such as boss/employee, student/teacher, captor/captive, age gap, etc.. Most often, these dynamics are gendered as well, putting the male-coded character as the “boss” and the feminine-coded character as the one at a disadvantage, which enforces ideas of male domination and female subordination.
This dynamic often creates scenarios in which the character with less power is at the mercy of their romantic counterpart. For example, in the boss/employee scenario, the employee might be threatened with punishment at work based on if they fulfill the emotional and sexual needs of their boss. Abuse is categorized as a pattern of one person exerting power and control over another—and many of these tropes unfortunately fit that bill.
Vampire stories also often make use of this trope; like in hundred-year age gap relationships with teenagers or in physical altercations between partners with supernatural differences in strength.
Consensually exploring power dynamics in relationships can feel empowering for many people, which is likely why power imbalance relationships in dark romance are so popular. However, in real life, non-consensual power imbalances can be deeply traumatic and coercive.
Abuse of Power
Take a look at “What Father Michael Gave Me In Virginia,” a poem by Dr. Sarah Jefferis from Issue 3 of our anthology, Survival & Beyond, which discusses the narrator’s long-term abuse by her priest.
Obsession, Stalking, and Captivity
Other common tropes involve some combination of obsession, stalking, and captivity. Usually, this is presented as a character’s rights and privacy being violated because their romantic interest just “loves them so much” or “needs to protect them.”
For example, in Twilight (Stephenie Meyer), Edward follows/tracks Bella, listens to her friends’ thoughts in order to learn information about her, and watches her sleep without her knowledge. These actions are framed as romantic and in service of protecting Bella, but they mirror actions that many survivors deal with every day from abusive partners or stalkers.
During January’s Stalking Awareness Month, we wrote a blog post about different ways stalking and surveillance can manifest in relationships, with some recommended readings!
Non-consensual Sexual Activity
Dubious consent—known more formally as coerced/coercive consent—or non-consensual sexual acts are so common in dark romance that they have their own nicknames: dub-con and non-con, respectively. These dynamics explore sexual acts in which one partner either explicitly states or implies a lack of consent for sex, with the other partner disregarding their desires, comfortability, or agency.
A very common example of this is the use of love potions or mind control which make a character be attracted to, fall in love with, or stay with a love interest. Anything that alters the ability of someone to actively and genuinely consent to sex and romance is inherently non-consensual.
We also see this trope within “enemies to lovers” stories, where a sexual relationship is initiated without consent under the guise of passion. Often, it is presented that one partner either is hesitant or actively resistant to the acts, but then gradually becomes enthusiastic. This dynamic can be particularly triggering to survivors of coerced sexual abuse in relationships.
Loss of Agency
“Love’s Tyranny,” by Lindsay Thurman in Issue 2 of our anthology, Survival & Beyond, recounts one example of how coercive sexual activity can be experienced in real life.
When Life Shouldn’t Imitate Art: Engaging with Care
We all use media as escapism to varying degrees, which can be healthy and even therapeutic! You can engage with the themes of dark romance without condoning them, like how lovers of the horror genre don’t condone the actions committed there. This post is not meant to shame dark romance readers or writers, but rather to point out that certain tropes shouldn’t be replicated or sought-out in real life.
Using dark romance tropes as guides for real life relationships can have real consequences. They can shape what behaviors we are willing to accept and see as romantic. This is especially true when stories are aimed at young readers, predominantly female readers, or various other marginalized readers who might be more likely to encounter certain kinds of coercion and control from partners. In other words, it is important to make sure that certain unhealthy behaviors are not normalized beyond the pages of fictitious relationships.
To get a better idea of what forms abuse can take, especially within romantic relationships, try reading our anthologies from abuse survivors here! Our Survivor Anthology Project uplifts the true stories of abuse survivors, making it a perfect way to see that what makes for a good plot in dark romance does not necessarily make for a good dynamic in real-life relationships.